We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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