someone get that fucking seahorse.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
