If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
