one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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