it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
