i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
