YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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