I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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