he thought i was a dude.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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