I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
