Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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