Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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