no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
