Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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