fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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