you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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