New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
