Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize