it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
