dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
