as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
