she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
