I think I died a long time ago.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
