I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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