I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
