apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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