I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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