I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
