I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
