marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
