dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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