and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
