he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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