I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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