I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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