end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
