best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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