I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So many bounce houses so little time
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
