Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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