we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
