After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm always down for nudity.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
