This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
