i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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