I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
