Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
