Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
