YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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