Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
