Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
