I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
