i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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