He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
