You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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