I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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