I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
