no, he came in my armpit
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
