I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
