bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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