nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Couch. On fire.
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