My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i believe in u and ur pee
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
