He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bring money and cleavage
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
