Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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