I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
