woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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