Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
