I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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