I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The uberlube is also flammable
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize