omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
