Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
